So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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