you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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