how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
