see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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