I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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