1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
