no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
