my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
