I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
