You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
