there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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