Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
