Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
