mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
