I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
