even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize