I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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