This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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