He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
