I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
