Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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