I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
