Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
