Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
