Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I puked a lego.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
