I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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