Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
