Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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