i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
