dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
