I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
