It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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