Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Congratulations! We have a period
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
