Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
