whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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