You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
