Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
