Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
