It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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