i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
