please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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