you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
