What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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