I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
