I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
