it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
