pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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