the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
