It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
