tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
